One of my biggest dilemmas as a doctor
I was once asked to put my signature down as a witness for a nurse’s divorce papers. She approached me completely out of the blue — and it remains one of the biggest dilemmas I have come across as a doctor, to be honest (and it’s not even remotely medically-related)!
I only found out then that in New Zealand (and in some other countries too), doctors are among a group of professions legally allowed to witness statutory declarations.
She has had enough of the years of his abuse, she said, flatly. I would hate to be the person completing the last part of the legal paperwork allowing the breaking up of what was supposed to be a cherished and sacred matrimony (and how those words ring hollow in today’s society), but I signed my name almost too trustingly.
At that time, I just felt doing anything else would be like preaching cold ideals to a hurting world in need of something much warmer. Perhaps I can start somewhere else if I wanted to make a difference.
I was reminded of Matthew 19 too. But I still wonder if what I did was right.
I don’t know, what do you think?
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It’s hard to determine if what you did was right or wrong in this situation, unless you truly witnessed for yourself what was going on in the relationship.
I agree that marriage is a sacred thing, but how sacred is it if nothing you do can help the relationship anymore? “These are her last minutes…”
You have no choice but to let it go.
Just like how death is supposed to be a passing from one life to the next, here this nurse has been given the opportunity to start anew.
To interpret Matthew 19, I’m guessing that perhaps she and her husband couldn’t handle getting married, but never discovered it until afterward.
You say you would hate being the person completing the last part of the legal paperwork, and yes many would. But that is also to say the same about your own career as well. Many would not be able to do your job potentially for the same psychological/emotional/religious reasons why you can’t do that lawyer’s job. In the end, it’s quite relative.
I do enjoy reading your insightful and inspiring blog posts! Do keep writing!
hey, what a pleasant surprise – thank you for reading, and willing to take the time to drop a thoughtful comment!
i was being unclear – by “hate being the person completing the last part of the legal paperwork”, i was actually referring to myself “witnessing” their divorce and hence “completing the paperwork” – i had assumed that now with three signatures, the paperwork was now complete and just needed to be processed.
you can see that i have zip knowledge about divorces — or marriage / courtship to even begin with! haha… -_-
there’s nothing wrong or right in the decision one’s made.
it all depends on one’s perception towards the subject matter.
hey yvonne!! how have you been? you really should comment more!
aah, the “relativitistic” outlook towards morality, ever so popular nowadays! there are no absolute rights or wrongs (who cares?) – it’s all in the eye of the beholder. … can i respectfully say however that i don’t totally agree – if we were in charge of calling what’s right and wrong, then the world would be in a mess (well, it probably is already, and worsening). but some situations are complicated and difficult – our human wisdom becomes like a joke. oh well, it’s getting too philosophical now.
i’m sure you now know that i’ve made the move to OZ. let’s see how long i’ll stay here for!
that feelings is very contradicting, isn’t it? u wanna help your friend/colleague, yet that action you’ve taken led to something unpleasant that we generally claimed “不教夫妻分开”. Society has changed. 做不成夫妻， 亦可做朋友, if your colleague/friend can live happier with your help, the effort is definite.
G’day! Hope OZ life is treating you well.
yea OZ life has been alright so far. still getting used to some things!
are you in Perth? how’s life there?
Very interesting but difficult. If you don’t do it, somebody will do it; and the nurse will look at you as just being difficult. You did as in 1Pe 4:8, I think it is okay. If some time can be planned in, it is good to do a study on divorce (as well as abuse) since doctors may be approached to ‘endorse’ divorce. As you said, Matt 19 and 1 Co 7 are relevant. And as you said, when ideal cannot be reached, can there not be something not sinful that can resolve problems? What is God’s heart here? Dr. James Dobson’s suggestion on abuse and divorce (the husband’s persistent abuse as not wanting to carry on with marriage and thus justifies divorce biblically) needs thinking about.
thanks for echoing my thoughts – indeed i was thinking that she could very easily just find someone else to sign it — asking me to sign is probably an expression of trust – and me refusing because of some “up-high” reasons is probably why a lot of people think Christians are proud (and not without good reason). But then that doesn’t justify one’s personal actions – hence I ask the question in this post.
Marriage is something that I somehow, for some reason, am still getting my head around — and 1 Co 7 in particular is a passage I struggle with. Still waiting for God to enlighten me!
hi Joseph, this is Joanna here. I was talking about reading your blog since last year, but never got a chance to do it until today.
and also started with this heavy one :)
I can feel what you felt, as I experienced some similar dilemmas a few years ago. I might have shared it with you before that i companied one of my close friends to abort her baby in Wellington. Obviously abortion is totally against God’s will, but I was the only she trusted and the first one she cried out for help. (she’s been to bible studies and church for more than 6 month when it happened)
I went through praying, showing what God said about abortion and Christian counselling with her together. but she still made the decision. so at the end, I told her, ” abortion is totally against what what I believe and my heart is saddened because of your decision, but you are my beloved friend, I want and will be with you when you are in difficulties.”
the good thing came out of my experience was it helped me to see God’s calling of my life more clearly: using Christian childcare to reach single mums in China.
when that nurse came to you, she probably already made her mind to finish her marriage. so you couldn’t really change anything by signing or not signing that piece of paper. she could go and ask some other doctors to do it. Therefore, Don’t blame yourself. (self-blaming is a trap of Devil). Talk and leave it to God and Don’t Let Satan use it to attack you later.
No one can judge what you did, including YOURSELF. and all things work for the good of those who love God. So get what God wanted you to learn from this incident and move on.
If the similar situation happens again, I assume you probably can boldly articulate what you believe first and then taking the loving action.
Will pray that God’s peace will fill your heart. I am sure there will be many dilemmas waiting in front of us, all Christians. Our journey with God on earth is surely not a easy one, so pray for each other and encourage each other is vital.
blessings
JoJo
hey Joanna, what a pleasant surprise! thanks for reading and commenting! i should say it’s an honour, haha. yes you’ve told me that experience of yours before, but thanks for telling me again. i agree with everything that you’ve said, really.
God bless you and keep you in your journey too. take care!
This is pretty cool. Like a reflective journal they encourage you to do in uni (except delving into the nitty gritty rather than just work practices).
I agree with everyone else. Hahaha. I believe it’s important to hold onto your core values however not to the unbending point where you lose reality of the hurting world and cannot relate to the people living in it.
Many people feel Christians are proud and judgemental who are out of touch with today’s world.
For example, being friends with someone who happens to be homosexual is not a sin. You are loving them for who they are. Jesus loved everyone, warts and all. Sure I do not condone homosexuality but to say, “God does not wish for you to be gay, so you must *stop* being gay!” is hurtful and not exactly reaching out to the lost.
Anyway, I don’t know where I’m going with all this. Saturday night, brain dead :P Nice to see lots of food for thought on this blog. Helping me to examine myself in this world too!
Big or small we face this kind of dilemma everyday – always having to choose whether to compromise our life values or not. Sad to say that most of the time I choose the easy way out, and sometimes even without much hesitation. Guess if we have more heavenly wisdom, choices will be easier. But if choices are easy, how do we know to hold on to Him?
Decisions such as whether to park my car at the proper place and pay $2/hour, or park at Countdown for free and walk to the restaurant, right?
Yap! Life is hard. :P